I must be an ancient human, as my experience of creativity is often like a pattern appearing between stars. It is as if out of the chaos, something conceivable, logical, understandable appears before me, and everything finally makes sense.
As a professional guide over the past three years, it has been my job to help travelers see the mental/emotional loops that keep them ensnared with the help of the mushroom. It offers a global perspective on your life and highlights repetitions. This process has recently allowed me to uncover a loop in my own life.
I only see my dad once a year for a few days or maybe a week. He lives in NYC. Recently, when I visited him after a lifetime of a tenuous relationship, a pattern appeared. I could see that some of the interpersonal challenges that one of my siblings suffers from were also apparent in him. In the eyes of this person, you are great and worthy. They seem proud of you and to enjoy your company. And out of nowhere, suddenly, you become the devil, your intentions evil. You are worthless. In a moment, all of that closeness is destroyed. Emotionally, it feels like a punch to the face - emotional whiplash. You are built up and brought down.
This time, I finally saw the constellation, and it changed my perspective on my whole life. I could see over and over again the hungry child going toward the parent only to be abruptly shut out, pushed away, and painfully criticized. And then, coming back again, thinking, it must not be true. Could not be true. Because there is love.
This time, there was a pattern in the star field. Once I saw the pattern, I understood and could accept it for what it is. I felt such gratitude for that punch to the face because when you fall and the floor meets your face, you know you are moving in the wrong direction. The solution is so simple. No longer walk into the fist - no longer fall face first to the floor. Change direction.
Breaking out of this loop, I see a broad expanse of new energy and possibility. I don’t need to be angry. I don’t need to feel hurt. I don’t need to run from the fist or the floor. I am free, and all of this potential opens up for me. The constellation appears so clear, so beautiful. Thank you.
Psilocybin mushrooms show you the loops. Once you are fluent in pattern recognition on this level, on nature’s level, you begin to see them wherever they are in your life. Then you can adjust your relationship to the ones that you don’t enjoy. Then you can liberate yourself from the repetitive patterns of pain.